InsaneJournal

Deplorable

                "You, ah, were a bit enthusiastic today at the demonstration, Severus," Gilderoy said, undoing his robes to stand in front of the mirror (one of the mirrors) and admire himself.

                "I'd give you three guesses as to why, but you'd probably never get it. You don't even think I know."

                "About what?" He arranged one of his blonde curls just so.

                "About him."

                Lockhart paused, glancing up at Snape's reflection as it gazed back at him from over his shoulder. "What him?"

                "I knew this would get us nowhere. Hogsmeade weekend. Around one in the afternoon. Where were you?"

                ". . . Oh."

                "'Oh'," he mocked. "Yes, that is the he I am referring to."

                "This really is a gross invasion of my privacy, my good man." Lockhart was reaching up to adjust his hair again when an iron-like grip grasped his wrist. "And, ah, this is another invasion entirely. If you would let go," he said, ineffectually trying to pull from Snape's grasp.

                "No, Gilderoy, I don't think I'll be letting go any time soon. Not until you explain why my noticing you whoring around is an invasion of your privacy."

                "Because I hoped you wouldn't notice?" At the look Snape gave him, he sighed. "I don't see why it bothers you so much. I'm a celebrity. You're . . . not."

                "That's not the reason," spat Snape.

                "Well . . . fine, no, it's not the reason. Would you let go now? I bruise easily."

                "Yes, can't go messing up flawless Gilderoy Lockhart."

                "You'd noticed?" he joked, and then immediately schooled his features into a more serious expression to waylay any more anger Snape may have in his arsenal.

                "If your little excursions are worth more to you than whatever the hell this," he motioned between the two of them, "was, I have no further business here."

                "No, wait," said Gilderoy as Snape nearly reached the door.

                "Why should I?"

                "I like you," continued Gilderoy, moving across the room to meet him, "but I've been missing one thing. I tried to ask you . . . ."

                "What is it?"

                Gilderoy wrung his hands together for a moment. "You know how we . . . go about things. Well . . . I'd like to do it in reverse. It wouldn't have to be often . . . I'm just terribly good at it."

                "No doubt through hundreds and hundreds of times in practice." He sneered, but considered what the man was saying. "You still should not have . . . . My God, you really are idiotic. People talk about their problems. You, of all people, should be able to speak with all that practice, but then again, your communication skills are deplorable."

                "So are yours!" Gilderoy snapped.

                "Yes, but at least I admit it. You only asked me once, you know, about whether I would."

                "Would what? Oh. Well, yes, but I was . . . afraid to ask again. Thought you were going to hex me that first time. I can't afford hexes, Snape, I'm—"

                "A celebrity," finished Snape with a sniff. "You could have asked me sometime when we weren't at the staff table."

                "I spoke in codes, not openly!"

                "I really am going to hex you someday."

                "I really don't doubt it. Now, as for my proposal—"

                "Ask me again. In these rooms. Perhaps I'll answer differently."

                Gilderoy seemed to perk up. "Well, then. Severus Snape, will you allow me to ride your fine arse?"

                "No."

                "What?!"

                "Well, you have to apologize first," he said honestly. "You cheated on me. Cheated, Lockhart. Can you even grasp the concept?"

                "I'm sorry."

                "No, you're not."

                "Well I'm very good at it. You can have a chat with the fellow and see."

                "No. Thank you," Snape gritted out.

                "Is that all, then?"

                "You have to promise to respect my . . . feelings. Which, may I remind you, you have blatantly disregarded, and, were you not so stupid, I would think you deliberately set out to hurt me."

                "But you weren't supposed to find out. So, really, you hurt yourself."

                They glared at each other before Lockhart said one of the most insightful things he'd said in a while. "You've never done it before, have you?"

                Snape froze, and then frowned.

                "Oh! Well, I'll stop 'whoring around' if you give it a try," he said.

                Snape moved to one of the ornate armchairs and sat, waving his wand to pour himself a drink.

                "That stuff's not cheap, you know—"

                "If you are going to have me up the arse, I deserve richer alcohol than even your money can buy."

                He pouted for a moment, but let it slide, watching Snape drink up his alcohol. "That's quite enough," he said after a while. "You'll make yourself ill, and have you seen these rugs?"

                Snape shot him a rather impolite gesture with his free hand.

                "I guess I'll just have to tear you away myself, then, yes," murmured Gilderoy. He took the tumbler from Snape and placed it on the bureau, pulling the man up and dragging him toward the bed. "It's not a death sentence."

                "With your claimed success-to-actual success ratio, I wouldn't be surprised if it was one."

                Gilderoy rolled his eyes. "You are such a drama queen."

                "Coming from you, that's rich." He allowed Gilderoy to denude him of his clothing and then lead him toward the bed, watching as Gilderoy stripped himself of his own clothing, mouth going dry at the beauty of the man, in much the same reaction as he always had to the sight of him.

                "Gilderoy P. Lockhart, you are one stud of a man," he murmured as he stared down at his own naked form. Severus cleared his throat, and Gilderoy looked up at him. "Oh. Well, you're . . . not so bad yourself." He glanced back down, playing with one of his own nipples.

                "Salazar's crumpets!" snapped Snape. He sat up, but before he could leave the bed, Lockhart slid onto it next to him, reaching for him.

                "No, look, look, I can be an attentive lover," he said, pressing a gentle kiss to Severus's lips. "I mean, it's not my fault I'm beautiful, is it? I bet you'd stare at yourself just the same if you looked like me."

                "Gilderoy?"

                "What?"

                "Shut up and get it over with."

                "Aw, Snape, it's your first time. It's not a 'get it over with' thing!"

                "So at least just shut up."

                "Or you'll leave, won't you?" He sighed, pulling him close for a moment. "Okay, okay, I'll try to do this without unneeded communication, as my skills are, what was it, 'deplorable'?"

                "Quite." Severus reached up and held Gilderoy to him for a moment. After a while, he calmed down, pushing the man away again. "I'm casting the spells."

                "I assure you, I'm quite good at—"

                "Gilderoy," he said warningly. He reached over to the bedside table to grasp his wand, pointing it at himself. The angle was awkward, but he cast the stretching spell and the spell to lubricate, then setting his wand on the bed next to him as if for peace of mind.

                Lockhart sighed, pushing Snape onto his back. He parted the thin legs, pressing two fingers into the loosened entrance. "Just relax," he murmured. He pressed a kiss to the man's chest. He located Severus's prostate on nearly the first try, causing Snape to buck in surprise at the sensation. "See, it's not all that bad for the bottom, really," said Lockhart. He leaned in and nipped at one of Snape's soft nipples.

                He pressed into Severus's prostate in a way that had him breathing very hard and trying not to press back as wantonly as he could have been. He was bought. Bottoming must not be so bad after all, if it was anything like this.

                The two fingers continued to torment him in the most delicious way and he was writhing by the time the man had worked three inside. "I'm ready!" he barked, startling Gilderoy for a moment.

                "Alright, then," said Gilderoy, and he took the wand Snape had left, lubricating his prick thoroughly. Then he pressed in, and Snape cried out.

                "Not so bad," murmured Gilderoy as he pressed in, holding still to let the other man adjust.

                "Will you get on with it?!" Snape panted.

                Gilderoy smiled his award-winning smile and pulled out, thrusting back in right where Snape needed him to thrust and Snape groaned and shivered.

                "Is it good?" asked Lockhart through his own harsh breathing, but Snape was too far gone to answer him.

                Gilderoy began thrusting more deeply, more surely, holding Severus lovingly, cooing nonsense at him that Snape was in no state to reprimand him for. He leaned over the man in order to thrust even more deeply, reveling in the way pale, thin legs held him in a death grip. "Yes . . . you love it," he said softly, nuzzling the man's cheek.

                Severus, without a touch to his prick, came in the most blinding, white, hot, intense orgasm of his limited sexual experience. He jerked and shuddered, prick pulsing and pulsing, throat crying out something that may or may not have been "you imbecile!", sobbing and moaning and acting altogether without a semblance of control. It was sheer bliss.

                "Yes, darling," said Gilderoy huskily, driving into him more quickly, more shallowly, until the throbbing contractions around him yanked his own release from him and he cooed, "Severus," over and over as he shot, and even for a short while afterward.

                Eventually he pulled out of the now-soiled heat, lying back on the bed next to Snape. "Snape," he called, "Snape."

                "What?" barked Snape, annoyed that his post-coital bliss was being interrupted.

                "Was it good?"

                "It was . . . not deplorable."

                Gilderoy grinned. His plan had worked. He leaned in and kissed Severus breathless. "I meant for you to see him. Aren't you glad?"

                Snape glowered at him. "It was not deplorable, but you . . . you, Gilderoy, are deplorable."

                "Well, I was in Slytherin for a reason," Gilderoy said, and smiled his most-charming smile.

                Severus just sighed and beckoned him closer so that they could lie together. He supposed he had to appreciate the man's integrity. Plus, after an experience like that . . . his old bite was just a bit harder to locate. "Kindly get your elbow out of my rib." Just a bit.