InsaneJournal

You unutterable bastard. No one wants you anymore. You wretch. Go back to Azkaban, where we can all forget about you in peace. You would put in danger the son of the people you betrayed? Well, the people you betrayed aside from me.

Or . . . did you join Voldemort for me? You . . . you self-righteous prick.

I always thought I was your biggest secret—couldn’t stand it if your “pal” James knew, could you? But no, your biggest secret was your loyalty.

My biggest secret of the past—and my biggest regret—is loving you, but as I see you, so sunken, so utterly deranged, I think I might start to do it again and that scares the piss out of me. There. You managed to scare me, Snivellus, again. Don’t look so lost, so unfathomably lost. You fucker, you whore, I am going to make you sorry, you will bleed at my hands, crumple under the point of my wand, be kissed by dementors for my pleasure.

I remember having you kissed for my pleasure in an entirely different way. Why is your chin, hidden by grime and facial hair, the same? And that button nose? Why do your eyes crinkle at the corners like you’re trying to hide your past? You shit, why do you look like Azkaban tamed you and then some? Like you gained far enough punishment already. I grip my wand tighter.

Why did you have to leave Azkaban? Now you’re spouting something about Peter? Peter?! That invertebrate, that imbecile? Nice try.

I hope you’re lying about Peter. I want to continue to hate you, so that I won’t beg you to have me right now. I missed you, you’re covered in filth and I don’t care, I want to take from you and keep taking until I can’t hold any more and I explode. My love for you was always self-destructive.

Maybe, if you’re lying about Peter, it means you did join the Dark Lord for me. If only you’d ever done anything for me! I was your human spell-dummy. And it was in that fact that you loved me—not as a person. Snivellus, as you called me, was never a person. Even when you called me Severus, or, more often, Snape, I was never a person.

I hope you enjoy kissing the dementors more than you enjoyed kissing me. Nice try, but I won’t weaken myself to murdering in front of your werewolf and your godson and his friends. I smirk. I know the truth. You and the dementors merely had a lover’s spat.

Now, kiss and make up.